I haven't had a place to share my story with others who might benefit from it or even just to hear it. When I was 13 I was sexually molested by a man who had been a family friend for years. His main focus was my breasts. I mention this because that entirely altered my perception of my body but especially my breasts. I even hated showering and touching them or looking at them. Seeing other women nursing or ads of half naked women made me uncomfortable. It always felt like a punch in the gut.. a visceral reaction I couldn't control.
Well, I went on to have 3 children, the final of which was a little girl. During my 1st pregnancy I wanted to nurse but was young and lacked the education, with my 2nd I just told myself it wasn't something I could do and didn't bother. However, with my last baby I wanted to do things differently. All my children suffered from severe allergies to dairy/soy. This caused them to have trouble gaining weight and lots of doctors visits. Finally with the help of their pediatrician I decided I would give nursing a shot with my last baby.
The months leading up to her birth were filled with silent anxiety and fear... but I was determined to move forward for her sake. I am VERY proud to say she will be 2 in October and we are still going strong. Nursing has turned out to be something she and I were blessed to be natural at. She latched on and nursed for almost 30 minutes on each breast right after birth. It's been a beautiful and healing journey for me. A journey I've wanted to share with others who have been through something like I did... to let them know that it's okay to try but to be scared, it just might be what you never knew you needed. I wish I had somebody to look up to, so I would know I wasn't alone in this journey. Thankfully I have a healthier perception of my body and bodies in general. Now I cherish seeing nursing mothers and photos of women nursing. Nursing has brought my heart such joy and healing. That's my story ❤️